I dreamt that I was alone...Driving down dark, narrow roads...Roads that I really have driven down in Australia...I was filled with fear...I couldn't find my children...I woke up and I sobbed...
...Then I thought about them...
I remembered the moment each one of them came into this world...The moment I held them in my arms...The moment they all changed my life forever for the better...I couldn't stop smiling...I thought about how my children have the opportunity to grow up with their cousins, which I never thought would be possible...And I smiled some more…
I realised that nothing and nobody can destroy the bond between a mother and her children...And that nothing can destroy a family without their permission...Not distance...Not a Government...Not borders...
I realised that nothing can break me...That I am not broken...That I never was...
Being hospitalised for crimes committed against me...Crying for injustice held against me...Losing hope, time and again, after being faced with unthinkable challenges...Does not make me broken...And being honest does not make me weak...
I understood now, what it means to turn pain into power...Not power in material worth; Because I have lost everything, and all that superficial stuff really has little to no value...
The power that I have gained is infinitely more valuable, and something that nobody can ever take from me…I have gained an understanding of who I am...A comfort in validating my strengths and my weaknesses…Knowing that I stand true to my morals and beliefs, even when I feel so alone...
Knowing that I show up everyday for the people who matter, and that they do the same for me...Knowing that I face fear head-on, even when I feel the fear...Knowing that I just keep doing what I have to do, even when I have no more plans to make, or when I don't know if I'm coming or going...And acknowledging that I’m doing the very best I can under the circumstances…
I realised that all the adversity I've faced WAS the breath of new life awakening within me the yearning for wanting change...For wanting to do better...For wanting to be better...
I realised that the tears that I cry ARE the heartbeat that reignite the fire inside of me...
I realised that the heartache that, at times has been crippling, IS the life-force that gives me that focused direction of knowing what I want and what I will no longer settle for...
I realised how I no longer care about the opinions of others, especially those who talk the loudest, but really say nothing at all...How I no longer care to hold onto the ones who are not meant to be in my life...
I realised that some might think that I'm arrogant...I don't care about their thoughts on that either...I know that I'm not...With all the times I've had to fight alone, I always only had 2 choices...To give up on me like most people in my life did, and have, or to believe in me no matter what...I don't need anyone to validate me...I'm still here with all that life has thrown at me...
For a second time I have to leave my family...I am angry at this injustice, and every other injustice that has touched my life...But I also know that everything I have endured is precisely the reason that I fight so hard...The reason that I will stop at nothing...The reason that I will persevere to achieve and succeed beyond what anyone thought possible...Where I will keep my sister and our children right in the centre of my heart where I can always feel them and gain strength…
I understand now that the journey to success is shaped in every mundane day that we move through; In the choices that we are faced with, and are forced to make...Every choice made, whether you hold the power or not, is the catalyst for the next choice...Every action creates a butterfly effect...A shift that may be life-changing or seem insignificant at the time, but that, ultimately, creates waves of change which will effect your future...
I know now that all those moments of difficulty and joy, and most times not understanding the reasons why things happen the way they do, ARE the moments that make up the snapshots of your life...You don't have to reach your destination to feel alive, or to feel like you've achieved something worthwhile...Or to feel successful...
Or to know who you are...
Wherever you are in life, look back only to see how far you've come...And be proud of YOU!
Comments